farters have to be the big spoon...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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