Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
