I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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