She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
