ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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