im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We left an ass print on the piano.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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