so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
