I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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