no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
