If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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