he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
