just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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