i jhust puked up my retainher.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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