She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
