I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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