I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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