now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
