My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
