gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
