you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
