You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
