booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
