this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
