sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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