Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
