We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
