And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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