I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
