Non-Jews are for practice
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
