College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
