I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
