Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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