I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
