my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
