Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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