I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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