i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
