paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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