...so i touched it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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