Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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