Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
