which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize