Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
