New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
