sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
Randomize
