I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
