Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
