i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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