I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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