Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize