i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
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he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
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See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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