Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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