If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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