Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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