Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
