Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
