I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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