I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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