everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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