the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
