I CAN MOONWALK!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
