i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
