Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
