New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
