and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
