i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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