So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
