you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We're too hungover to prance.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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