were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
