This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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