from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
a search helicopter?!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast