he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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