Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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