Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship