I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dating After Heartbreak
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.