i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
