If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
