Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
